Cooperative Parenting Checklist

After a separation or divorce, parenting together with your ex-partner can be enormously difficult. Some sets of parents can put aside past differences to focus on their children's needs. Some sets of parents are mired in conflict. In some couples, issues of power and control impair one partner's ability to parent cooperatively and this dynamic may severely compromise the best interests of the children.

When both parents endorse 16 or more of these items as "true," they are probably engaging in cooperative, child-centred post-divorce parenting. A score of 10 to 15 would suggest they are struggling with some issues but are managing in others.
When both parents endorse the majority of items as "false," they are finding it difficult to work together as a team because of conflict and lack of trust. The children may be paying the price.
If the answers of one parent are dramatically different from the answers of the other, there may be a power imbalance that could be abusive. Use the Power and Control Wheel to consider if characteristics of the relationship were or are abusive.

My ex-partner supports me as a parent by, for example, never telling the children that my rules are wrong or stupid	True	False	Not sure
When holidays and birthdays roll around, we can easily decide about the visitation schedule	True	False	Not sure
My ex-partner will voluntarily modify child support payments (up or down) if one of us experiences a major change in income	True	False	Not sure
My ex-partner and I are both saving money for big expenses such as braces, college and weddings (in a proportion relative to our respective incomes)	True	False	Not sure
We have or we will make custody arrangements for our children without using the court system	True	False	Not sure
I am confident that the children are safe and well taken care of when at the home of my ex-partner	True	False	Not sure
We decided together when and how to tell the children we were breaking up	True	False	Not sure
I never worry that my ex-partner will make a scene when the children transfer from one parent's home to the others	True	False	Not sure
When needing to make a parental decision, we set aside our differences to focus on what is best for the children	True	False	Not sure
I never worry that my ex-partner might keep the children after a visit or take them out of the country without my permission	True	False	Not sure
My ex-partner doesn't pressure the children to keep secrets from me (e.g., about what they did during a visit)	True	False	Not sure
If I make a rule like "no piercings until you're 18" my ex-partner would back me up	True	False	Not sure
If something comes up unexpectedly and I cannot keep the children during my visitation time, my ex-partner will be flexible and help me out	True	False	Not sure
We attend parent/teacher interviews together (or could do if our work schedules allowed)	True	False	Not sure
My partner is the type of person who can put the children's needs ahead of his or her own personal needs	True	False	Not sure
If a difficult situation comes up, like a problem at school, neither one blames the other	True	False	Not sure
We each recognize our strengths and weaknesses as parents and work together as a team	True	False	Not sure
We have similar or complementary philosophies or styles of parenting	True	False	Not sure
If I believe that our child could benefit from counselling or an elective medical procedure, I can count on my ex-partner to support that decision	True	False	Not sure
My ex-partner would never try and turn the children against me	True	False	Not sure
If we needed to, we could attend a parenting course at the same time without getting into conflict	True	False	Not sure